April 30, 2010

the excise of divinity


sometimes the nights are just a solid
as the days when we found only sun
the linguistics of the night
are very direct and vocal
as those mid afternoon sessions
drinking in each other
tonight though, i can feel you watching me
and every time i look at you
you make eye contact and then look away
i try to smile but i feel it is just a grimace
maybe it is clear
to you or your friends
that now there is no silence
in this cacophony of bar noise
with all of your friends watching us
i am a little to drunk to be focused
and i can feel this shadow
falling on my thoughts
the euphoria of the evening
was eaten away by the disjointed nature
of our way of relating
tomorrow will be different
if not a tiny bit of the same
when all i really want
is to be in love with you
where mornings we awake
to the saturation of each others skin
afternoons are spent in laughter
at the joy of girls playing in summer sun
where evenings are spent exploring the pleasure
that love exudes in you and i

April 29, 2010

lift it . take it . love me

in a day, in an hour, in a minute
i can go up and down
a weight, a relief
then euphoria and tragedy
i want to be near you
to lift this weight i feel
i want to touch you
to keep this joy i feel
i need you to love me
to balance this energy
of bundled emotions
you evoke in me
oh joy, oh euphoria
can we love like no other?
oh weight, oh tragedy
can we love each other?

April 28, 2010

just a another hump day


the dirty old man loves
the middle of the week
with its hump day and connotations
he sits on his porch like i
sat on the balcony in the loft
the dolls a parade on the street
for happy is the nostalgia
sitting and smoking fat zags
those warm summer days
a delight to experience
like the night we spent
laying in the grass
staring at the stars
talking about the clouds
hand in hand arm to arm
skin to skin on warm summer nights
i have these memories
like photographs on the wall
your beautiful voice an allure
our fingers entwined as stars
dance for us with your skin
a wonderful brush on my arm
the warm air smooth
in the light of a memories glow
your lips kiss my skin
with a drunk desire
to express a punks love
after a night drinking flirting & fun
we are here laying in the grass
holding hands like school kids
i have no clue what time it was
or how much i really do not want this to change
expire . i loved waking up to you
after that wondrous night under the stars
your head nuzzled on my chest
your leg curled on me
the sun just creeping up in the east
i kissed your forward
not wanting that moment to stop
i felt your love so deep in me
i felt a touch of the divine
gently tracing my fingers
along your ink and supple canvas
i waited for your eyes to finally open
so i could swim in your milky pool
caress that love i can feel in your touch

you are . i am . we can be

standing on this corner
in the midnight black
of a drunken night
i reached out to take your hand
as you began to walk away
you smiled that beautiful smile
your eyes glowing sparkles in the dark night
we were with your friends this night
and i know i am not supposed to show
them all my affection for you
but i did not want you to just walk off
without you feeling
you are that bright light
in my dark night
which fires my soul to be creative
i am the perfect companion to your attraction
for these late night antics of music, beer and debauchery
i am the love you have never seen but always wanted
we can be the perfect match
partners in crime for our evenings
if you would just let me in
and on this street corner
acknowledge for your friends
that smile, this touch, is the start
of what the historians will write
as a love affair for modern times
you are more than my creative muse
right here love,
you are all that i want to touch
right here doll,
you are who i do not want to see walk away
without stealing a touch and
maybe a kiss

show me . tell me . fuck me

sipping on this beer
sitting at the end of the bar
the bohemian sitting next to me
a man of some fifty years of age
threw me a curve
when he asked me if i had met my love?
i responded with yes and was about
to tell a storybook tale till he
cut me off and said
did she tell you she loved you?
yes
did she show you she loved you?
pause, yes
did she fuck you?
of course!
in that order?
well, no - we fucked first, then she said she loved me
and finally she showed me she did
he smiled a wry smile and asked me simply
how do you know she is your love?
when the order is so wrong
and opposite of a storybook

April 27, 2010

girls . love . excess . girls . love . divine

i was sitting in the sun
watching the clouds play
and thinking of you
that day we walked in
the warm summer sun
your skin supple from the moist heat
we stopped at that quaint place by the water
drank some cold beers
talking for hours
as we stared in each others eyes
i would drop a bead of cold
condensation from my bottle
on your shoulder and trace its path
along your ink
so delicious was your smile
your eyes a pool of milky love
i could feel our exploration
of all the souls divine
we just laughed and drank
the warmth of the summer sun
you remember that old couple
who came by and said we were perfect
in love with the divine
i just smile knowing your love
my love, our love
was an afternoon in summer sun
when everyone smiled upon us
you would touch my arm
i would look over at your smile
and then those luscious lips
a fiery kiss
all the love and our souls divine

April 26, 2010

i am your silver lining

it was quite clear last night
when i saw you
that whatever had passed
had changed your mind
i had that moment of joy
tinged with the thought
what to do next?
and maybe i was really winning
you with my words
when i had no other choice
i am your silver lining
because i always forgive
and will never forget
that this thing is love
for us to grow into
i was going to give up on you
till you smiled at me last night
as you sought me out
that warmth from your body next to mine
and your scent an intoxicant for the rest of the night
i still do not recall much beyond that
just a scent and a smile
and your lips whispering in my ear
i am sorry
well love,
i am your silver lining

its good when you cannot remember


yeah, so this past weekend, which started on Thursday night with a Timbers 3-nil win, my fav strip club and new fav potential model/art inspiration emily. i spent some time with my bro and the yard on friday before having drinks with emily. i cannot remember much from sat, must have been the drugs but i do know that i got the Chasing Skirt manuscript done!!!

the rebel rousing TP sticker campaign was met with mixed results as some of the stickers were already removed by Friday! BOOOOOOO!!!

Fuck Yeah! such a relief to have the manuscript done, not the fun of designing the book cover and getting the reviewers to look it over before i do final edits and get it to the print shop by August.

ok, so now i can focus on A Love Song for an Inked Doll!

April 24, 2010

your ink etched on skin like acrylics on fresh canvas


the same place in a different time
plays the same tune we all melodically flow along too
you move with its vibe, a soul beyond expression
this soul which lives on forever in my photography
i can see why i am trying to capture that layer of light upon the skin
so soft and subtle a hue cast in this red glaze effect
this garden is just a clank and chime away from the poker
your skin in this hue
is so much more than the divinity of your ink etched on skin
like acrylics on fresh canvas
the shadow detail of light that only this red wavelength can project
i came here again to write
to see what i am creating from in the light of night
always in the filter of blue
i can crystallize from within this faded haze
there are more shades than high key lighting in the epoch of summer sun
when you find yourself in my beloved rose city
the ink and skin as intoxicating as black boots and fishnets
under red dark room lights
this amber hue a wavelength of the heart
it is my bohemian art
the touch of most sensual as the beat keeps
its cadence of the manic soul
i can call these words a love song
you can call it no other in this night
as this light falls on inked skin
a high key note of rambling blues
this worship that is the night
with denizens and characters who have only a defined soul
they are the stuff of my stories
the energy of my creation
i love the dirty hipster, the punk
my inked dolls whose skin are like acrylic canvas
i have yet to paint
everything is of the nature of i have yet to create
or am i the act of the sheer creation
this perpetual moving boat, cast adrift
on choppy ocean - i am but a notion
on the wind, whispered from your luscious lips
in this wondrous red hue
i am always trying to capture
with or without you love
the candle light flickers shadows on wooded tables
that we can see a light left longer
a light that burns our flame of love and passion
i want you, but i want you more to
accept me, to want me as well
this light, can it shine on us too

April 23, 2010

this is my way for you


this thing is always the same
how it ends with me and you?
i always laugh at myself
finding me here in the garden
where magic always seems to happen
i love you if that is not clear
and when asked tonight who
a love song for an inked dolls is for
i can only say you know her,
it is for everyone
i chuckled when she said that was the best answer
i never really thought
i was being anything other than coy
never thought that was right but i like that it is
i am such a pimp in this world of junkies
the astute words can only come
from a chemist like me
i know i love for all that is your inked nature
the debauchery of this life makes me smile
more than anything in this world
like when the the crowd cheers for a delicious doll
as she takes off her her clothes
or the Timbers in a 3-nil shellacking
i see no difference in the two sometimes
but that is just my personality of controlled chaos
in this night life of denizens, harlots and observers
i am definitely the watcher in this world of wonder
can you love me like that
or is it something beyond your recognition
i am in love with you doll, isn't it obvious
maybe not, but i keep trying to show you
in what i do not think is so subtle
give me more of a reason to love you doll
if you can, but i can see here now
that you cannot, but i want you to know that i can
i will, if you let me
this night in its genesis is so very full
of non sequitor beginnings in what it is i have to say about
your love of me or lack there of
but i cannot see me waiting
i cannot see me being this very life, to you
i want to love you for all that you are
and for all that you can potentially be
in this era of inked dolls and alternative lives
in my magical rose city, my beloved rose city
that is full of pure joy when the sun shines
this is my way for you

April 21, 2010

can there be a tomorrow better than today


been staring at these photographs so long
i sometimes long for someone to look at me
the way my models look at the camera
i long for you to look at me that way
with love adoration and care
i have these pictures of you
looking at my camera
you are not looking at me
i long for someone to look at me like that
fill my soul with her love
express my love for you
i have been thinking of you in the early morning hours
when the darkness is so black
and i am drunk from all this beer
the comfort of strangers can only go so far love
from this bar stool where i write
i write pretty words, take pretty photographs, paint pretty acrylics
all for this one chance
to express something that moves you
i have been staring at these photographs for so long
i long for you to look at me this way

round & round spinning till there is no end

i like it when wednesday's are thursday's
and thursday's are friday's
its your hump day before beer & debauchery
capped off with the timbers & drunk singing
i smile at how i am going to erase this blot
of frustration and inconsistencies
i am already in a good mood today
for the hope my friday evening may consist
of sex drugs & the timbers
and your friday is surely to follow up with the same for me
and so i am all smiles and joys that i know how
to forget that i cannot love you
because i cannot even talk to you
your silence is my blessing
to free me of this false hope you instilled
and get on with the real joy
of a storybook that drips of love
as much as it does of ink & sex & debauchery
which so characterizes my artistic life

April 20, 2010

oh my joy for you love

i remember a night we spent
till the wee hours of the the next day
when normal folks are just getting up
we were heading home in different cabs
i remember the whole night in vivid detail
your smile on me so warm to my heart
it started with a hug and joy
like seeing me for the first time in months
i liked your touch and was so happy inside
you insisted i join your table
and so i sat across from you
to watch you, to smile at you
oh my joy for you love
it grew that night
as we kept drinking and celebrating
celebrating your life
i am a stranger here amongst your friends
and really looking back
with you too
yet, love, that night i could see your joy
reflected back at me
that i am here and i think you know why
i am here for you
for love
and so when it was time to move on to the next stop
it did not surprise me to be going with you
happy yes, the joy of maybe being your toy
buzzed and euphoric in the backseat
our mouths just talking
i reached out to rub your arms
touch your inked skin
i just wanted you to feel my love
i just wanted a moment alone
on to the bar for another Jamesons
feeling a little heady and wondering how it would end
wondering how it would end

April 19, 2010

with all these smiles and sunshine

yeah, i was about to change it up mid-stream
till i went for a walk and remembered that
i like myself the way i am
i like how i feel right now
with all these smiles and sunshine
i do not need to love you
i want too
but i want to be loved by you more
and that does not even seem possible
maybe i will admit to the wind
i like it better that way
no real complications to hinder the way i feel about you
about me
yeah, it is kind of ironic to admit
that i am almost perfect this way from afar
i need this emotional center
and these words as much as i want you
but love, something you do not know of me
i am the rare breed you read about, watch on the silver screen
i am that wonderful exception to the rule of a hard knock life
but i cannot be any clearer when i say you must choose
me and this storybook life, you must endeavor to be rare too
yeah, i have this wondrous smile for the thought
it has been such a long time without the sheets
and joy of those explorations
i may go back to chasing skirt if you don't come around
but i may stop short of the sac
because i need this creativity for art instead of wasted
saturation skin to skin
i guess love, i thought you would understand
who and what i was, but i do not know if ever you can
or want, for that is what i desire in our storybook love affair
in my storybook for the ages

April 18, 2010

the mornings after . . .


the mornings after you visit my dreams
i wake up to this feeling you were there
with me in that comfort of white sheets
as the warm sun rises and rustles us from our slumber
i always long to feel your body insinuated next to mine
your skin as soft as that morning sun
the scent that is our love
as i trace the ink along your skin with soft fingertips
till your beautiful smile greets me with warm love
the morning sun lighting our eyes
this is the dream the morning after

yet this morning love
i woke to this feeling
all my poetic license are just
words someone else will read
and your heart will not hear
you visited my dreams last night
with the flurry of a fiery red maelstrom
for the things i have yet to do
i know what is coming
or rather what i am about to choose

i awake this morning to that same warm yellow sun
on white sheets i wish i shared with you
yet love, this poetic license
is it winning your heart with words?
or as you are off in a world outside of here
is the distance and silence between us
greater than my words can span
i want your heart and soul
and that warm summer sun to shine
on our love, to write this storybook affair

April 17, 2010

rose city till i die!


copyright Sunshine Ink 2006, first published in Manic Rose City

Songs from 107

SEA – double TLE
Seattle spells shit to me
With a nick knack patty whack
Give the dog a bone
Why doesn’t Seattle
Fuck off Home!

oh rose city, oh rose city
oh rose city is wonderful
we have tits ass and the Timbers
oh rose city is wonderful
tell me, can you hear seattle sing?
oh no! oh no! can you hear seattle sing?
oh no! oh no! can you hear seattle sing?
i don’t hear a fucking thing
oh no! oh no! oh no!
oh rose city. oh rose city
oh rose city is wonderful
we have tits ass and the Timbers
oh rose city is wonderful

SEA – double TLE
Seattle spells shit to me
With a nick knack patty whack
Give the dog a bone
Why doesn’t Seattle
Fuck off Home!

rant and chants
lads singing loud
beers flowing down

we’re the greatest fucking lads
when we win
when we win
we’re the greatest fucking lads
when we win
we’re a rotten lot of bastards
when we lose
when we lose
we’re a rotten lot of bastards
when we lose

tell me, can you hear seattle sing?
oh no! oh no!
can you hear seattle sing?
oh no! oh no! can you hear seattle sing?
i don’t hear a fucking thing
oh no! oh no! oh no!
oh rose city. oh rose city
oh rose city is wonderful
we have tits ass and the Timbers
oh rose city is wonderful

i was born in the rose city
i will be true to my lads
rose city till i die
rose city till i die
i know i am – i’m sure i am
rose city till i die
oh rose city. oh rose city
oh rose city is wonderful
we have tits ass and the Timbers
oh rose city is wonderful

i was born in the rose city
i will be true to my lads
rose city till i die
rose city till i die
i know i am – i’m sure i am
rose city till i die
tell me, can you hear seattle sing
oh no! oh no!
can you hear seattle sing?
oh no! oh no! can you hear seattle sing?
i don’t hear a fucking thing
oh no! oh no! oh no!
oh rose city. oh rose city
oh rose city is wonderful
we have tits ass and the Timbers
oh rose city is wonderful

SEA – double TLE
Seattle spells shit to me
With a nick knack patty whack
Give the dog a bone
Why doesn’t Seattle
Fuck off Home!
Say, where ever we may be
We are the famous Rose City
Cause we don’t give a Fuck
and we don’t give a shit
We’re going to win the league Championship
Say, where ever we may be
We are the famous Rose City
Cause we don’t give a Fuck
and we don’t give a shit
We’re going to win the league Championship

April 15, 2010

the silver lining in the midst of darkness

i was sitting on the front stairs
listening to the rain in the night
i do not seem to sleep to much anymore
sometimes i do not even try
i can feel again, and that is enough for now
i am creative again, and connected to my emotional core
i have you to thank for that
i have love to dream about
i have a life to live, somehow
and this i think is why i cannot sleep
my life is settled and unsettled
always this juxtaposition of opposites
the rain smells so warm
i smile to think of you
i long to smile at you, touch you, love you
sitting here in the dark of my porch
in the comfort of no light
i am reminded of the old adage,
"you pay your money and you take your chance
when dealing in love and romance"
this is the silver lining in it all
its a gamble with Vegas odds
and i cannot expect to beat Vegas odds
maybe now i can sleep, knowing i cannot win with you
but i have these words, and this picture
i never loose hope there is a love in you as great as i can imagine

April 13, 2010

i'm the radder


one morning many years ago i got off the train
at pioneer plaza and started walking up past The Guild
my head was hung low like so many days before
staring at that concrete i kept walking
spirits as low as they could be in my dark hole where
the sun never shines and i cannot feel love
in a man like me
for every manic high is a manic low
i am as bright as a deep dark hole where the sun doesn't shine
the high yellow moon was hidden behind gray scale skies
until i stood on the corner watching this white vintage car
roll up the street slowly like a god drive by
the dali lama sat in the back seat with his hand hanging out the window
he looked right at me and smiled then waved
as he rolled on by
my soul, my hole of darkness

was soon filled with light
my head picked up and my heart
filled with that eternal love
my smile stretched ear to ear
i still feel that divinity today when
i see that image roll by
the dali lama smiled on me
in a beloved rose city morning
when i needed love more than anything else
i am the radder
for existing here in your life
you should reach out and see how the high yellow moon
comes out to play

April 11, 2010

my best bukowski from a barstool


da da da - dot da
is the click of the cue on balls as the soul blues begins
i am back here in the garden
where magic always finds me
luscious ladies and the like
in the darkness that is the bottom for some
a fresch klesch untarnished
by the dirt and grime of gutter affairs
this type of debauchery is for pleasure
nothing else, unless the current is right
and then we never really can say where we will end
i am so very quiet inside
first time in some while as this mania feels like its been on me forever
that energy can be so very fun and useful
but also so very destructive
of my sweet jimmie brown, what else do you have
to say tonight in the din of dusk and video poker
i want to say so much and i hope i get to see you tonight
yet this conversation is always really with myself
i am here cause i like to watch
its my art, to write or capture that which i see
in you, in me, what i want to say is us
what i want to be, is us
what i want to feel is you, is love, is us
i always lead with the heart until i do not
you always wear yours on your sleeve
somehow i think that makes us so very similar
maybe you think it is so very much the opposite
i feel i will never know, yet beautiful, for you, for me
for a shot at a beloved future
i will forever try, i will forever endeavor to be worthy of you
yet love, i ask the same of you
endeavor to the love i bring you or we will never start
i walk sometimes to remember, sometimes to forget
i can usually see the path in the street
but tonight the concrete leads me to Kelly's
back to where i first met you
back to where i first fell in love with you
a love song for an inked doll
that is what i write for, for you, for me
for an opportunity that is us in a future
not quite defined - no expectations
that is the rule of a stable mania
melancholy and joy is what comes
with no expectations
sitting again on a bar stool
i cannot define, i cannot see more than three feet in front of me
not because i am blind, but because what else is there beyond this brittle space
this stool and the warm beer, cold women
you know Waits knows it so well
barflys and hipster's, bohemians till the end
i saw that LA was no better than my beloved rose city
but portland is better than anywhere else i have been
anywhere else i want to be
this city has you, it has me
it can and loves to celebrate us
no expectations, no regrets
but i can still feel this melancholy
for i write to forget,
just like i drink to remember and i drink to forget
so it goes for the poet and artist who lives in the mania
my life is always this burnt orange affair
an episode of some day time special where the kid
we all want to win, perpetually loosed in tragedy
the punk in me says "ah FUCK it"
you are a hottie and that is what i need,
the comfort of a stranger to swim in for awhile
i live in the day for those moments in the night
its one of the only places i fit
a love song for an inked doll
these words are my confessional
pheromones make the whores moan or so the bohemian
sex kitten behind me says
no love, i have no taste for this skirt chasing anymore
there is no joy in the penchant for the divine
where i used to love the pursuit,
now it bores my soul to death
i am so desperately sad for this thought
that only pervades a melancholy
when my new paints come in i will not go out for months
all those canvas' to express my love
unrequited love from a barstool
oooh, another book title, the follow up album to a love song for an inked doll
the companion volume
i am such a cynical fuck for all those words that i write
that's a fucking yummy white russian he poured for the old man next to the soda water
maybe i am just to old to be doing this
playing this game for all the little hipsters
just barely old enough to hold a drink - laughing -
i love this mockery and melancholy that pervades my punk soul
for i was born of a cynic in a time midway through the post sixties love fest
before my dad had loaded bombs on planes and body bags off helos
it was the opposite of hippie love
you are a doll!
do you know that, in this absence of anything else to say
i will refer to the day one of our meeting
just keep pissing it away
this storybook you always write as a tragedy
hannah says the words should flow
me loves me some ink
let me scooch your armrest
thank god the betties are arriving
how my night and flashback to you are complete
but i do not feel so sad anymore
enough beer and a pretty lady in conversation are enough
that for this temporary moment i can forget all this melancholy
i am going to talk to you after i smoke - so says B to the chemist
my kinda crazy doll who i love for she is the same crazy as me
this is the debauchery of my life
oh, the first fishnets of the night
thank you for this dream

April 10, 2010

connections . transitions . reflections . choices


friday night was crazy, as i went to my beloved Magic Garden after sushi and in the the din of such a dark strip club i could feel so calm to begin to write and recruit. hopefully the gorgeous delicious sensual Ocean will take my offer and come for a photoshoot and a painting session. i luv scrumptious dolls who carry their sexuality in the movement of their body. it is funny how in this place i find so many of the denizens of the portland night life. we have met here before if you remember!

i spent the rest of my night at Kelly's Olympian, a dive bar that i have spent so much of my creative nightlife at over the last few years. it holds so much of The Fresch Klesch's history and is a suitable place to sit on a barstool and pull off my best Bukowski. Keep pissing it all away!

i do not like admitting to myself some things and especially when i have spent so much time trying to do the opposite, but sitting on that bar stool friday night spewing out seven pages worth of verse - i was visited by two beautiful ladies and two wonderful loving friends. the beautiful ladies do not matter, for despite all the connections in the world, i am in transition. the wonderful loving friends, Brianna and Brittany both beautiful souls who listened to my reflections and choices. it is so strange to actually admit what it is you want to another soul, and yet know you have no option or choice that can lead you to it. in my life, there are so many complications to achieving the dreams i have. so much of life can get in the way. i am a single parent, almost full time, a brilliant scientist changing the world through energy conservation, and a natural artist composing from the blue filter that is my manic depression on the unfolding canvas that is the three P's: Poetry, Painting & Photography! i am tough to understand through the ever shifting folds of energy and expression. even tougher to love because i already know who i am, what i want, and what i expect it to be. i work everyday on my self, and it seems in this playing field no one can really meet me . . . at least not yet, but that being said, i do not know how or when or if ever there will truly be a you who loves me too in the midst of this creation.

i will share the 7 pages tonight, so stay tuned for in that poem is the title of two other books i will create.

April 8, 2010

i know you are going to . . .


i keep walking these city streets
wondering if you are ever going to talk to me
wondering if you are ever going to write to me
of the love that i feel in my heart
or of the love i want
i wish you were here with me
though as these city streets pass
i can feel the distance between us
a distance so great i could break
i know there is this story of life
a heartache in tragedy
this story is only a story that is lived
never written in stone
yes doll
i can love you for you
i wonder if you can love me for me
i keep stumbling in and out of bars
and back home again
i wish you were here with me
on the couch with your head on my lap
your gorgeous eyes staring up at me
all our words floating on joyous whispers
in the electric space between us
yet sitting here as i am
the dark of night has crept in
the silence of sitting here alone
could i deserve more than this silence
more than just a few words
or a touch of your skin
i may never feel your piercing gaze again
as those milky eyes are pools of joy
in the parchment of my dreams
sitting here with my heart in my hand
you say you wear yours on your sleeve
yet let me take it off and cherish it
you do not
i wish you were here with me love
to wash away these thoughts from sinking in
i know you are going to break my soul
yet i still wish we write a love song
for all the ages
storybooked in stone
for all to believe

April 7, 2010

the prevelent perception is my expression of sexuality makes me a whore



joy is a penchant for success when mania junkies find the lion laying in bed naked
his words and touches are like silk on the skin
soft and sensual after you disrobe for a night of pleasure
lay me down on these golden sheets
as I send careening plumes of pleasure along your body
pleasure charkas filled with the energy of a lion
as night flows into day and naked bodies lay strewn
on damp sheets sticky silk skin jazzed by the nights endeavors


April 6, 2010

pure joy is a high before the fall


i could hear the door click shut
and you were there in front of me
hello beautiful!
your smile a wonderful light
as you walked up to me
your smell intoxicating
this time as it was the first
and in that first inhale
i can feel upon my skin
a remembrance of why
i have loved you since the day we met
you smile again as we embrace
your body an insinuation to me
those luscious lips a delicious reminder
of what is to come next
i breathe deep your touch
the gentle reminder of a love not lost
i know you must be strong to tame a manic soul
and divine to love one like me
your touch is a sensuous delight
as your fingers run through my hair
tracing their way down my cheeks
to my lips, another soft kiss
and that smile that warms my soul
your eyes are pools of joy
i want to stare in forever and a day
when you touch me i feel love
when i touch you i know love
i am love
i give love back to you
eternal and more than words or actions combined
my fingers caress your skin
the small of your back where my art resides
delicious ink i am going to explore in you
for this love is forever
forever, for this is just a waking dream
of you and i here so very long ago

April 5, 2010

hello, good night, goodbye & good morning beautiful


the crescent moon rises as the night started with a hug
a brief hello and it was apparent you were happy to see me
oh that smile is so beautiful and intoxicating
i met you with a smile of my own
and just felt deep in my soul it was a hello you could bank on
as the night rolled on in that dark bar with the streams of people
all around us, this cacophony of voices and mass of punk humanity
our eyes and smiles were met on many an occasion awash in that sea of mass
never really keeping a conversation except through those subtle communications
i could feel inside our parallel track
this physical pheromone a biochemical reaction
i sit here across the table watching you watching me
watching you talk through all these masses
your beauty is breath taking in this environment
of beers and cheers and the noise of bar life
i am just here to be present for you
to soak up your life and how you are with your friends
i love the comfort of strangers
and tonight i will stand apart for you to see me amongst this crowd
i can feel your ink and your eyes upon me as we finally find ourselves next each other
you lean in to make a comment, that look in your eyes that says you know
its time to go and i am coming with you
just a brief second i want to touch those milky pools in your eyes as you stare at me
your smile is gorgeous in this light - i have butterflies every time you look at me
i wonder what it might be like
no i dare not say, but then you look at me again and i . . .
somehow i just know what to do
somehow i want to reach out and touch your skin
like soft brush strokes on canvas tracing the ink on your skin
a moment to share the way i want to care for your heart
caress your soul to remember what it is like to know deep passionate love
you have never met a kat like me
you may never know how well i can express this love for you
there is that second when you pause and stare
eyes like deep pools
can you feel me here in this dark place?
where love is all i want to know of you
where my care is knowing you may never be any different around me
there i stand, your skin so close to my touch
your ink a love song i may never know
can you know this longing?
feel this love i stand here waiting to give you
then you give me that look that says lets go
and i instinctively know what to do
good morning beautiful, its five am and i do not want to say goodbye

April 4, 2010

sometimes excess is best in moderation



i saw this moment in my afternoon on friday that i new i was manic
and that there was no going back from this moment
for an instance i had the flash of all the events of the last two months, two years, two decades that led up to this uncontrolled exuberance
still the next day i do not regret my excess but i do fear that pure creativity
that pure moment of lust in energy that you know you could fly
it will tear me apart if i give in to it
if i forget that it should not control me,
as if riding a bike and letting go of the handle bars down a hill knowing you will crash
but accepting that the wind is rushing through your hair and your smile is pure energy
that maybe, with your arms out this is as close to flying as you may come



i drank my jamesons to say goodbye to you
to say goodbye to me in that time
and now that time is over however short or long it has really been
i can only loose myself once in reckless abandon
and really only when there is something to loose myself in
my story, this story i keep writing and rewriting is one of tragedy and melancholy heartache
for each of the moments of pure bliss that just slipped away
it is true that people only like you when you are up
and in a man like me for every up is an equal part down and two times in between
my chaos, my joy is the perfect path around a circle
a cycle that continually changes
the juxtaposition of shadow and light



i can see the moment of loss when i look down at my hands trembling
shaking in that energy state
i thought of you and all the promise i felt
all the hope of beginning again when you want to know that tomorrow is worth your time today
i have this beautiful knack at suspending my disbelief
or rather lying to myself enough
to just simply believe the storybook ends any different than i know
tomorrow is always a joy if you see something there to pursue
it is pure bliss when that pursuit comes right back and chases you back
all of my life i have waited for that story book to be so uplifting
to speak and feel the love of the universe



i am not going to wait for it any longer
because in doing so i sacrifice today for a hope of tomorrow that is unrequited
my art is my love
my daughter is my love
my words are my love
my science is my love
i can still hear her voice
that audible hallucination while i was creating
in my open air loft in the warmth of my favorite september evenings
her voice was so full of that love i crave
she said i know what you are doing
i love you lucas



i thank my friends for sharing this past friday evening with me
for creating with me and for the energy of debauchery we shared!
goodbye beloved jamesons
you will not be the death of me
for this is draft one
and tomorrow i begin draft two

April 1, 2010

someday next week

these revelations will sink in and maybe i will not be so melancholy
or maybe i will finally sleep
and remember that a few weeks ago all was as perfect as it could be
the hope of a chance and so many future stories untold
i seem to always stumble just as i begin my stride
i was sort of hoping that the opposite theory actually held weight
but i know as a scientist and an avid purveyor of chaos theory
that the simple knowledge and choices we make
far outweigh the consequences of pheromones and biochemistry
sometimes you hit a single then get tagged at second
sometimes its three strikes and your out
rarely is the storybook a home run
in fact, when i remember to look in my history of chemical reactions
i see the storybook is a classic tragedy