April 10, 2010
friday night was crazy, as i went to my beloved Magic Garden after sushi and in the the din of such a dark strip club i could feel so calm to begin to write and recruit. hopefully the gorgeous delicious sensual Ocean will take my offer and come for a photoshoot and a painting session. i luv scrumptious dolls who carry their sexuality in the movement of their body. it is funny how in this place i find so many of the denizens of the portland night life. we have met here before if you remember!
i spent the rest of my night at Kelly's Olympian, a dive bar that i have spent so much of my creative nightlife at over the last few years. it holds so much of The Fresch Klesch's history and is a suitable place to sit on a barstool and pull off my best Bukowski. Keep pissing it all away!
i do not like admitting to myself some things and especially when i have spent so much time trying to do the opposite, but sitting on that bar stool friday night spewing out seven pages worth of verse - i was visited by two beautiful ladies and two wonderful loving friends. the beautiful ladies do not matter, for despite all the connections in the world, i am in transition. the wonderful loving friends, Brianna and Brittany both beautiful souls who listened to my reflections and choices. it is so strange to actually admit what it is you want to another soul, and yet know you have no option or choice that can lead you to it. in my life, there are so many complications to achieving the dreams i have. so much of life can get in the way. i am a single parent, almost full time, a brilliant scientist changing the world through energy conservation, and a natural artist composing from the blue filter that is my manic depression on the unfolding canvas that is the three P's: Poetry, Painting & Photography! i am tough to understand through the ever shifting folds of energy and expression. even tougher to love because i already know who i am, what i want, and what i expect it to be. i work everyday on my self, and it seems in this playing field no one can really meet me . . . at least not yet, but that being said, i do not know how or when or if ever there will truly be a you who loves me too in the midst of this creation.
i will share the 7 pages tonight, so stay tuned for in that poem is the title of two other books i will create.