July 30, 2010
i was having this conversation with my latest model and she was really engaging in a set of questions that were probing my style. she came to create some art and wanted to see what that definition was for me. what i like about this is the engaging level she displayed. it was very attractive and really we saw that in the work. this experience was very different from any of the past 30+ models who just show up and we create an art experience from. it was a little different of a set also because it organically became a character study of a ballerina and the nude female form. pretty damn cool and i can feel the rumblings of a new idea from this, but also, i am glad she wants to do it again.
i am making good progress on getting Chasing Skirt into print. i still need to finish the word flow editing and then go through it one more time. there are some formatting issues with the word doc that are pissing me off. just as with the cover there are a few style and formatting issues that are killing me. just may make it!
the composition of my strange life is never a component to be trifled with when you want to ask the universe to accommodate an audacious request.
i need to finish the Chasing Skirt manuscript this weekend and the cover to get it to the printer in time for publication by 9/11 but i keep shooting instead and seeking this connection called love.
July 24, 2010
the brew fest is an annual tradition for my pals at AA. we usually head down on Friday afternoon and drink till the evening, spending our time tasting beers, telling crazy stories and flirting with the pretty ladies. this year was no different, in fact, it was overall one of the best ones and the one experience i am still pondering was after we all piled out of the waterfront. storming the close in downtown section from Burnside to Morrison. it was a madhouse! loud raucous drunk people stumbling flirting saucy fun!!! never in all my years of living in my beloved rose city have i seen such a loud crowded site of pure portland.
tonight i had the best shoot with Kacie. she is an awesome haute cool gal with a great husband. they were pretty cool hanging out in the studio, reading poetry, commenting on all my collage and paintings. i love rad people in portland and these two are two of the best! looking forward to shooting her and her smoking hot girl for some girl on girl art!
July 22, 2010
there is nothing but naked skin
my head is resting on your thigh
your hand combing through my hair
a deep satisfying smile on your lips
the scent of your sex pheromones surround us
i can feel that sticky nature on my lips
your voice is so soothing in the space between us
i hear that melody of love in you
i can hear your golden orgasms in my head
this smile is more like pure joy
it is your melody i want to sing again and again
the memory of your labia on my lips
this taste like chocolate
is better than i can imagine
you are better than i can dream
yes i am going to pleasure your ink
your hand in my hair is a caressing reminder
of the luscious pleasure in caring how you kiss
July 19, 2010
i have been thinking about where i started this year and what i thought would be happening right about now and why it isn't here. i always have to manage my expectations. you would think at my age i would be well versed at it and for the most part i am, but when you ooze confidence and talent. your internal expectations can be extremely high because you understand what you are capable of.
the other thing i have been thinking about is how i have wasted so much time in my life over the last 6 years. there are lessons in it, but it makes me sad to be in this summer that the stars claimed were divine and
feel so very far from the divine. i feel like a few months ago i fucked something up inside of me when i kicked open the cap to that well. at least i have a third poetry book essentially done and i realize exactly what i want. i just will not likely find it if i am seeking it. the power of non linear thinking is that a vision can be created from a tiny thought after it has been forgotten for so long.
July 18, 2010
these last couple of months i have forgone some art creation for the pursuit of connection through people. what i can say is that i have a few really cool friends i can rely on. i have met some awesome people and hove a lot of promises made yet very few of the new folks really play out. i have a hard enough time managing my own expectations, let alone the fulfillment of promises from others.
i realize i am now behind in the internal schedule of creation that drives me and the only way to get back on that track is to forgo that hope of social connections. sorry ladies but you actually have to make some level of commitment to meeting up if you want to fulfill that promise of joy.
i am driven far beyond the simple pleasures you may be hoping for. i have a vision to fulfill and creation to exploit. the whim of creativity is something i can channel when the energy is right and i am far happier when i do. it means i sacrifice some loving connections with you and there are many alone nights spent in the studio.
but truth be told, i like spending time with me. i am very interesting and the creative process brings out the best in my soul. going to do the good work till sara comes to town over labor day. i'll be in the studio if you want to see me.
July 15, 2010
i am wondering today if tomorrow can ever bring the depth i want or have i set this thing up to to keep it all at a distance that ends up at arms length plus an inch.
its no longer a secret that i love you but then again it never was . in just a few months when it is all in print and the library of congress has a copy, will you still think its cool i dedicated the book of love songs to you
July 10, 2010
what can i say to you other than it may be time
we quit all this silent dancing
and begin the conversation in our lives
i keep shooting and writing and working towards this goal
that leads to the adoration of the famous
i wish you were here to help me with it
so that we could enjoy the rise together
in envy and adoration the famous preside
that this inked doll be more than my lover
she is my beloved
we are on this path in parallel and i keep thinking
if i can just jump these tracks
someday i can make it your way
and this touch i dream of late at night
as we lay curled in a dream of white
is a scrumptious delight
of the sensual love i can believe exists in you
for only me
July 8, 2010
i thought you would like to know
there is this image i have of you
in your white slip and black fishnets
you are fixing your garter as you sit on the edge of the bed
i am standing in the hall, watching
i can see the definition in your calf
your hand runs up your thigh
i can tell you know i am watching as you pull your slip
your inner thigh screaming at me
i walked into the room to stand next to you
you look up and smile at me as you spread your legs wider
and your white slip show me all of your garter straps
i place my fingertips on your shoulder
at the tip of your red star and trace my finger down your arm
till i meet the pinup couple on your forearm
you and me, we are perfect in ink and in life
i lean down and kiss your neck to start your engine
your sexy legs all dolled up in fishnets
we are not going to make it to the show for some time
and you look up at me with that knowing smile
i love to devour in a kiss
July 5, 2010
i had another wild weekend where i partook in the divine debauchery. i need to get down to shooting, and writing and the creation of grand books of art, but i keep searching in the night life the audible hallucination that is my beloved.
i fear she may be just a whisper in the wind all those years ago, but the lovely thing about a dream is that it can be filled with hope and hope leads men to believe in unreal in an attempt to make it divine.
this week is a fresh start that should end in a weekend of art and progress.
then the cup final, friends and a bbq where who knows if someday i shall redeem this hallucination that is a love for you.
July 3, 2010
my night started around 4pm at Kelly's Olympian where i proceeded to write a wicked set of worms for another poem in the love song series. had the most inspiring conversation with a guy who heckled me as a poet because it did not make money. it was inspiring because he used words as i did in the juxtaposition and choice. i see maybe there are people like me out there.
then it was off to see my friend Sara sing for the Twangshifters. she has the best pipes! the first show was in the Square and had like a 100 plus people in the crowd, with some rockabilly's dancing away.
then it was off to the Satyricon with the band for the second show and the Sailer Jerry's Rum girls, my favorites are my friend liz and lauren.
Shawn, Corvin and Wade are pretty awesome fella's and it was great to hang out with them for the night.
after the show it got a little nutty for me as i was surrounded by punks and drunks and met an old nutter hooligan for the Timbers from the 70's. I hung out with Audra for a bit and heckled a reporter for nerve.com. then as i stumbled through downtown i noticed the age old adage about portland. the ladies are frisky sluts on a summer friday night and i need a little more class than that now a days!