July 19, 2010
i have been thinking about where i started this year and what i thought would be happening right about now and why it isn't here. i always have to manage my expectations. you would think at my age i would be well versed at it and for the most part i am, but when you ooze confidence and talent. your internal expectations can be extremely high because you understand what you are capable of.
the other thing i have been thinking about is how i have wasted so much time in my life over the last 6 years. there are lessons in it, but it makes me sad to be in this summer that the stars claimed were divine and
feel so very far from the divine. i feel like a few months ago i fucked something up inside of me when i kicked open the cap to that well. at least i have a third poetry book essentially done and i realize exactly what i want. i just will not likely find it if i am seeking it. the power of non linear thinking is that a vision can be created from a tiny thought after it has been forgotten for so long.