September 29, 2010

just words today

so long sitting on my pedestal that i forgot how high up it was
i never learn from each fall
as i keep thinking of the mess i have made of my self
this perilous melancholy in the fall
with the sagging sun and perfect light for photography
i do not even care about my camera
i do not care about me
except that i am unwell
missing my smile and the joy i felt in it
i am amazing at fucking up the very thing that is me
i can see that the knowledge you exist makes me uncomfortable because
i do not think i ever thought you really existed
until september you were an audible hallucination
someone i dreamed of meeting to help me through my lonely existence
here you are, in the flesh, two thousand miles away
as beautiful and wonderful as i could imagine
it makes me unsure of what to do now
for i can sometimes be very impatient for the things i crave
and you i am afraid to loose before we ever really get a start
yes, love.
just say yes love.
just say what you mean and that you will come to stay
it is what i crave
it is what i have waited for, if you are who you say you are
i stand here in this pool of manic rubble
unsure of which direction is which
as up is right, right is left, down does nothing and left is backwards
to say the pedestal is high is a start
to say i am broken is an understatement
there is always a price to pay for the suspension of disbelief
and even in mania basic physics apply,
what goes up must come down
for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction
i want to believe there is a day you are coming to stay
i feel naive to think you need me like i seem to need you now
having picked up your pieces and moved positively forward
i find my phase shift to painful to comprehend
i do not like myself
i do not feel strong in my ability to change
and like a child who throws a fit
i do not want to pick myself back up again
i just want to hold your hand

September 27, 2010

activation energy and my fatal flaw


when you get right down to it to the brass of shiny balls
i have a fatal flaw that i can only see after it is invoked
i sit in pieces on the floor staring at the broken perplexity of my mind
staring up at the pedestal of perfection that was wrapped in love
with what felt like just five minutes ago
perplexed and vexed at my own stupidity for i can never remember my fatal flaw
it is a symptom of mania to forget the path to salvation
like the activation energy of a chemical reaction
once you reach it there is no stopping the molecular combination
it is not unlike two people coming together
where one is transformed and the other is consumed
two molecules collide
bonds are broken
atoms realign based on charge and preference
and then the bonds reform
the reaction is complete and a new compound exists
this mania aftermath is always rebuilt
as i climb back up onto the pedestal
using all my energy to control chaos
a theory i hope you can help me to understand
because i believe in love as the instigator of a chemical reaction

September 26, 2010

you may think this is about you, and it is about you if the you is me


it started with three white stripes a long time ago
a symbol of the three forms of art i would create,
the three variations of my personality
it is a reminder that though i may believe i can win
the price i will pay some days will be to high like,
on friday i found myself sitting on the corner
tears streaming down my cheeks uncontrollably
this emo finally caught up to me
the stress had been overwhelming
the energy it took to keep the balls juggling and mildly under control, gone
you can only control the chaos of manic energy for so long
then it wins, it always wins
i believe in controlled chaos when you have energy and structure
i know when i am out of control and it is leading me like a leaf in the wind
i know because i drink to cope, i take drugs to escape, and i spend money promiscuously
i used to walk to control it
i used to fuck to control it
i used to photograph
now i paint
now i write
this event is not new, it is not unique
it will happen again and again and again
i can only hope the frequency is keeps getting less and less
after it started with three white stripes
it must end with love, for myself, my daughter, for you

September 25, 2010

phase shifts mean alot to the rotational energy of love


as i pour the last bit of alcohol down the drain
there is none left in my house
i am resolute to find myself not in my beloved dive bars
but in the studio creating
fresch paintings of color, prints of photographic banality, or stories of woven desire
this week will have forever defined me because of the toll its stress put upon me
and the three different people, all important to my life, who left these easter egg
statements in my subconscious to percolate up into life altering choices
"i am worried about your heart" - azure
"we know twisted pinups is never going to be a reality?" - me
"you and i need to quit drinking" - sara
i did it, will you join me? i want you too; we both have a love we need to express and you articulated to me what i have been feeling
i fear though that we are not really together to support each other and the question remains will we be able to win this battle for our epic storybook
i am the only manic depressive i have ever met who believes you can win
and by win i truly understand that means control it, harness it enough that it does not eat you alive - yeah, i have always believed i could harness it
if you look at my life there is evidence of it, but for all that energy and control i must exhibit
there is an equal and opposite amount of reckless exuberance
it always involves drugs, alcohol and staying out into the wee hours of the morning

the lessons learned this week were a bit more painful than i want
a bit more emo than i like
when i needed you, when i needed me
all i had was the will to try one more thing
there was nothing but a void
like no comfort with side of spite
those three statements that percolate in my brain
are painful imprints of the phase shifts that happen
when the rotational energy of love has no outlet in a physical expression
i am at once the most confident in my art, life and stature and
at once the biggest self doubter
it often stands to be a motivational tool
but when my world crashes and i had no where to turn but this void of space
i realize there is only me and this hidden emo
i spend all my time putting energy and structure around

September 20, 2010

this rose is for you


i can only think tonight of how upset i was
how lost i felt in my day to day life with all its stress and responsibility
then there was your voice on the phone
this wonderful moment to just listen to you
i was caught for a moment like a dear in the headlight
because you asked about my day, about me
and i could hear your concern and all that love
in one simple question and my 2 minute diatribe i felt relieved
i felt like me
i felt loved
as we talked of your 24 hours and you asked me more questions
i wanted nothing more than to be there with you
hold you and go to bed so i could usher in your wonderful dreams
you have a one track mind when it comes to this piece
and i love that this rose is for you
tonight love i am reminded of why i am so thankful you exist
for me to love, for me to accept your love

September 18, 2010

smoking cig butts


i just want to talk to you tonight because i know i cannot touch you
you have been on my mind all day, all week since you left
i am standing in the nexus of my village
smiling at the drunk sky and the red and white brick on the toy store
there are people milling about all around me and i just said goodbye to friends
the walk home is going to be a fun drunkard stumble
ripe with punk rebel rousing
then there is your mouse like voice so soft and so far away from me
and all i can do is smile a coo inside
for what we hope is the start of something

the rest of our rambling night included more drinking, some painting
and a lot of our voices talking over each other and too each other
your voice all night is short and sweet
a cadence of love for me and confusion at life
its like a love affair for the mind as we talk about where we have just came from
where there is a possibility and how your past will play a part
you are erotic, naughty and sexy like me
you beg me to read to you, my poetry, my words
my love song for you
your voice is such light whimper when you cum
yes love, i can hear what you are doing
it is my voice and all these words i have written for you
that stir such creative juices
as the world in us
we are the same mania junkies

i know i am part of what makes you cry
i know i am part of what has instigated your fall
having been there once myself, i can say that it is your past which is sinking you love
i am the life boat to carry you away
but what you will find is i cannot save you
till you begin the work yourself and want to be saved
its a tough road and it is coming as we will find
first love, let's cum together and pass out
my clock says its 2am here and 5am there
you must sleep
save those cigarette butts for tomorrow

September 13, 2010

like no one i have ever met


she said i am going to love you like no one i have ever met
after i had said i deserve it
and a bunch of words that mean time and space cannot stop
me from realizing the wish of a lifetime
two dreams i have always had and one i am already realizing
the second has now flown into my life from a city of pure grit
all of my life i have known there was a destiny for me
that is long before written without my sight
fated to die a great artist with a storybook love that history accepts
i heard you once in my subconscious lead me down a path
i was walking alone
months ago in a serendipitous proclamation i asked the universe
for the story of us to begin in parallel
and so on a early Fall night we both felt that love in our gut
i still have butterflies when i stop to think of you and your words
your beautiful smile and that comfort of your touch
well love, say this like a mantra when you start to fear what is not a daily
gaze into your beautiful brown eyes and moist lips
time and space cannot deny a love like yours and mine
i can feel it in my very essence
and i will not let it go
it is the final dream of my life to fulfill and our storybook was already written

September 11, 2010

the saint who is in possession of my soul


you knew before i did at least before we looked each other in the eye
i may have known forever but had to see you to remember
it feels a little strange to be so short since the flood began
yet so far from where we are going
this story of a self aware us is about to begin
we have two stories of when we met or at least i do
my first being the night in a white smoke filled haze
in the loft on a september evening, drunk creating art
when from the street you called to me as clear as day
"i know what you are doing lucas and i love you!"
this september evening when we met for beers and futbol
i never thought i would be able to to look you in the eyes
or touch your moist skin
you have perfect brown eyes that are milky chocolate pools
of a love written on pages we have never seen
i think you knew it then or later when we hugged the first time
i think i new it in the back of the cab
your head resting on my shoulder
your body against mine perfectly flush
we were drunk and heading home
i did not fully recognize right then what i felt
because had i put it all together
later when you asked me to pleasure you
my only response was let's create art
and there we painted naked shapes on a fresch canvas
and i realized as you looked at me this is love
i touched you in a sensation that flowed through my body
the sum total of our physicality can be but a minute total
as the story of us unfolds
i struggled with those sixteen hours when my anxious manic mind
sought to reconcile what you conveyed in a single hug that
lasted for days and days as your moist lips kissed my neck
and our grip on us could never let up
our anxious energy
two manic minds on a walk of love
maybe now sitting on my porch
wishing you were here to sit with
holding my hand and exploring our love
i can see all the connected strings of this universal theory
i know there is a love for you and i that speaks to us
i will write our storybook
you my love will fill it with our joy
our kids smiles
then the day will come of our next chapters in our cities
til there is one city we can call home
and i shall find your head on my shoulder again
and you shall feel my heart beat this love
i have waited all of time for you
i look forward to beating time for us

September 10, 2010

the chemical abstraction of molecular dynamics in a dream


azure said this very keen thing to me this week that is a seed for me to remember something i keep trying to find. at a certain point in the manic cycle you remember the way to experience the universal. this vibrational theory is a continuum of the divine but azure said there was the moment we found the gold road in the pearl and then the horse under a cone. we both believe the universal energy is a vibrational string of force decisions. an entropic universe listens to the voice on the wind. i am singing you a love song i let the wind sail from my hands into a sky we look brightly upon.

where do you think the next sign of divinity will be found? i am very worried i do not have enough time for this creative canvas that keeps taking me unaware. each interaction i feel our orbital singing.

never before and forever since we will have this song i sing to you in all manner of our life and here the entropic universe knows how us begins.

September 8, 2010

Chasing Skirt for sale + Special on Manic Rose City

On Sale Now!

Chasing Skirt, a book of poetry and prose by lucas klesch. $10 + $2 s&h

or

Manic Rose City and Chasing Skirt, two books of poetry and prose by lucas klesch. $15 +$3 s&h

use paypal - ljk@sunshineink.us

Cheers

The Fresch Klesch

September 7, 2010

the transition of energy in fall affects my manic chaos


i realized this morning that the fall transition started the week i came back from my vacation and ever since then i have been on the roller coaster of chaos. experiencing and participating in the disassociated state of mania when reckless endeavors lead to stories of characters love, lust and heartache. everything is a high of highs, a low of transitional chaotic energy until i find myself in the gutter, my knuckles bloody, my heart broken and only these stories i write as poems for the masses to read.

it is always cathartic this transitional energy that fall brings and always leaves me reflective to recharge in the winter but i fear one of these years my safety switch may not work and i will not be able to pick myself up from that gutter!

you, with your beautiful milky eyes and luscious soft kisses participated in the sainthood of my divinity as mania took me unaware.

September 6, 2010

abstracting a moist folly


these nights of debauchery are seeking to illuminate something for me to expound and i find i explore more of the edge of my boundary in an accent on the abstract. for saint clair it was a living folly that left the moist delights to the imagination. for me it is about the art, the creation of it, the exploration of form, color and language to express this human experience we have.

a beautiful woman is the best salve for stoking the flame of expression which leads to saturation of synapses in conversations of intellectual delight. her moist smile a harvest of a delightful soul in this abstract painting of saint clair.

September 5, 2010

sunshine in a bag


i edited a set today after finishing up xila which you see here and brit, and this set is unusable as of right now because i have to work out with the model all the details. i want to talk about it though because it is the most gritty real set i have ever done, in super low light it is like film noir erotica.

i am a little amazed by it and wonder if somehow i have not finally found what azure wanted me to break from. to find it on this day after i laid my head to rest last night spent from a surreal experience. a little emo and lonely i smiled before i passed out and laughed at the folly of divinity in a volatile rose city. there is a vain of existence that is not what my city is about and it keeps finding me.

September 3, 2010

you know st. clair


a hello . a goodbye . a song of sunshine . the divinity of st. clair's visit to the rose city. thursday home matches are always such a freeing day, with the green and white army taking over. this night was steeped in a little more history as the last home game before the leap to mls; it was the initiation of st. clair and the fresch klesch. a couple of artists exploring the subject in the rose city.

a long goodnight to PGE Park, where 20 of us started an army and overtook the city with Timbers green and white. i love that on special occasions like this so many of the characters come to join us. the initiation of st. clair is a conversation over beers and vodka in traditional debauchery. drunk to early into the game and going in for more.

sometimes they are a smash and grab affair snatched a few minutes from the end as we all sing you are my sunshine. the initiation of st. clair is a dance in a conversation where art is the context of life.