September 26, 2010

you may think this is about you, and it is about you if the you is me

it started with three white stripes a long time ago
a symbol of the three forms of art i would create,
the three variations of my personality
it is a reminder that though i may believe i can win
the price i will pay some days will be to high like,
on friday i found myself sitting on the corner
tears streaming down my cheeks uncontrollably
this emo finally caught up to me
the stress had been overwhelming
the energy it took to keep the balls juggling and mildly under control, gone
you can only control the chaos of manic energy for so long
then it wins, it always wins
i believe in controlled chaos when you have energy and structure
i know when i am out of control and it is leading me like a leaf in the wind
i know because i drink to cope, i take drugs to escape, and i spend money promiscuously
i used to walk to control it
i used to fuck to control it
i used to photograph
now i paint
now i write
this event is not new, it is not unique
it will happen again and again and again
i can only hope the frequency is keeps getting less and less
after it started with three white stripes
it must end with love, for myself, my daughter, for you

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