October 18, 2010

the hope of compartmentalized joy

the hue of milky brown goodness swirled in this girls eyes as she looked up at me
i could only smile inside for that look i have seen before in you
i wondered if it would make you happy to know that i stopped believing
in the color of my dreams
in the outlook for tomorrow
after throwing out the garbage of fantasy
i am only left with the hope of compartmentalized joy
discreet moments wrapped in a boundary layer
i am different now than i ever have been
this hue of milky goodness is a reminder
the penchant for joy may be divine but i know my place in this controlled chaos
i had to learn it again and being so far removed from the time that released me
it took some energy of stabilization to get this done
i forgive myself easily when i understand why i do what i do
my intentions for myself and ultimately for you were the most pristine
romantic and a delight that i know i desire and would have thought you would too
yet i can only underestimate this self i create and the intensity it brings
i am not afraid of my transition
in fact, i am somewhat excited by the prosperity and prospect of the other side
i wish i could be with you
i wish i could help you
i wish i could love you in a way you like
standing in the early morning cold and sunshine
thinking about your milky eyes and smile
i am not so sure i am supposed too
i am sure tomorrow comes regardless of what happens today
there is no difference in my feelings for you
except there must be a time and a place for them
a boundary event that i see will be compartmentalized too
time and space is a fickle partner
who conspires to bring us together and keep us apart
there is only me at this stage in memory
like a light switch we will remember it all again
when next we see each other on a late Fall day almost three months later
the hue that is my love for you will see that smile again
in joy compartmentalized to a love affair of hours
the hope of shared debauchery as a storybook unfolds
romantic and tragic in its desperate attempt to reveal a future
i never wanted to predict
i am reminded of that hue of milky goodness and i smile
wondering what you are doing on this cold day

No comments:

Post a Comment