November 28, 2010

the day of your emo

on the day of your emo
we should have been celebrating
instead i hear nothing
see nothing and
know you are not
here where i can smile at you
i could be emo myself
in this drizzle where the sun is liquid
where the shine is opposite
of rust on metal
i wish you were here
or i was there
to soothe your emo
on your day of celebration
with the suit of birthdays
we wrote a storybook
we are the experience
of a storybook
written as romantic
expressed as a tragedy
retold as a comedy
you needed me
i loved you
you loved me too
i needed you
wanted you
to be here for today
tomorrow and next year
i could say i was naive
i could say i should never leap
i wouldn't change
what i did for love
how i felt or what i believed
you could have been
safer with your fire
safer with my heart
i was fine until you left
without a goodbye
those things you thought
the ones you said
were no where near the truth
sitting here now
wishing you were here
for the joy of your day
i will never look back
on a storybook love
i wanted to live
as well as write
i will never look back
even if some how
you say goodbye
or sorry
it was for love you know

making the squares squirm

there is no way to say
what it is i want to say
there is no way to say
what it is you need to hear
or what i want you to know
about all the times in between
first meeting you
first loving you
first touching you
all that time and space
the words are not enough
they are all i have
they are all i need
to keep my memories
buried deep inside a lonely heart
that loves the isolation and comfort
strangers bring
you and i know this well
sitting on bar stools
in dive bars all over these cities
of grit and dust
so dirty and seedy are our lives
staring at shining bottles of alcohol
back lit by neon and white
the hues of our estranged existence
talking with shady eyes of desolation
we should have gone to the desert
you should be here now
having coffee with me
smoking cigarettes
making the squares squirm
in that greasy spoon in my village
where the bacon was somewhat burnt

its not your place
in this hispter city
of roses and me
i stand on that corner
a nexus of memories
of sunflowers
last minute winners
drunk and singing
the sun would rise later
and set soon after
on a love you did not want
i can only remember
deep in me there is you
deep in me i know
we should have gone to the desert
where the desolation of isolation
could have given our grit
fuel for a fire
that would not consume us
but today i am alone
drinking this coffee
when you should be here
smoking cigarettes with me
making the squares squirm
as we live out our debauchery
from bar stools in dive bars
where the neon and white
lights up the desolation
in our eyes
some love
our love
is lost in the time
we spent together
all that time and space
of first seeing you
of first touching you
loving you
its all i have in these words
i write
when i cannot say
what i feel
what i need you to hear
we should be getting breakfast
smoking cigarettes
making the squares squirm

November 27, 2010

in this instance

its so easy to be the glory that you feel
in the morning light of another day
i can see your smile
even in the dark of last night
i can feel your smile
even in the distance of today
what claims to be next
in this instance
where emo is no where in site
the smiles of the day
are a longing towards that time
of one on one saturation
the simple touching of skin
is easy to remember how it all begins
in the meantime
we will look forward to the simplicity
of this day
knowing the morning light is a glory
of self redeemed love
like winning a prize
in a game you stopped playing
so very long ago
when the day turned to night
there you stood on the corner
your lit fag a little twisted joint
of joy and lust for the heels
you watched walking away
long after the sound clicked on cobblestones
those days you remember
like they were yesterday
in between are days you try to forget
as if tomorrow comes
only for you to be told
all those yesterdays are gone
what you learned
what you saw
what you felt
what you experienced
it all led to today
in this morning light
for tomorrow to bring
some new love again

November 26, 2010

ipov erotica, we have an artist for that

the ipov erotica was coined by Jim Cahill in reference to The Fresch Klesch's artistic style of portraying his raw erotica photographs.

i am never one to shy away from the controversial art form and feel very much i must push the boundaries between what we feel is erotica and what we see as porn.

i personally feel that if an artist goes into the creation of something with the view to create art that may be construed as sexual, it can only be considered erotica and not porn because the artist created it.

i see that people view black and white as erotica and color as porn because it's what our eyes see.

November 25, 2010

on the eve of tomorrow

on the eve of tomorrow
when i write for yesterday
we will see each other again
to smile upon our love
this curious moment of beginning
we had but just a a half moon ago
when i kissed you in the dark
smiling at each other
from behind tired eyes
till 5 am came and we passed out
for an hour or two

with tomorrow there will come
those moments again of laughter
as our conversation takes itself
mindful that fleeting are the moments
two lovers like us spend
together with each other
we shall know of it all
when we are together again
that first kiss divine
as tomorrow will come
with laughter and your love

somewhere down the road

i will forget the way you never said good bye
the way you only said i love you
turned around and took all i had
then turned around again
till it was easy for you to walk away
still as i sit and wonder
what dreams may be coming to you this evening
i am more haunted by what transpired
after you left than surely the horror of before

i have a simple question for you in this night
that is bitter cold with serene white snow on the ground
outside is warmer than the insides of a heart
that knows the answer to this question
do you regret ever meeting me?
i may say that i do in some emo moment
when i think of how erratic
your treatment of our storybook was
when i see the pages not cherished
i see a time you wasted my love
no, i see a time you used my love
to launch yourself and attempt to set me back

tomorrow though is always the fabric of my futures
somewhere down the road
when history has read our storybook
the judgement my love invoked in you
for that is all i can imagine
in the aftermath of your bitter sign off
not a good bye at all
befitting a love i wrote on paper
long before i met you
long after we do not speak
i can see these books in past present and futures
somewhere down the road
history will read about us

November 22, 2010

until your toes tingle

this time when we say good bye
i am going to kiss you
until your toes tingle
so you know
that i do not really want to go
i do not want to miss your skin
i do not want to forget your touch
the comfort of your love
or the hugs you give so freely
that are filled with the sweet taste
of kisses in the dark
under warm sheets
as we laugh behind tired eyes
exhausted from all the play
in the early morning hours
matted by sweat and lust
this time when we say good bye
i am going to kiss you
until your toes tingle
so you remember this night
as a craving to drive you back for more

November 21, 2010

molten eyes never say no

i am almost a year on from some moment
where the divine in me found the perfection in you
as we stare at each other
from behind matted hair
the sweat tangled in the smell of pheromones
i could stare into your molten eyes
forever and a day as you already know
this is the end of the beginning
to what others can only dream of
i want to touch you
in a way to convey
how i feel inside
i believe you know
where i am coming from
our time is a pursuit of the divine
in short steps of perfection
as we should never say no
to the O

November 19, 2010

divine continuum

my life is the pursuit
of many points to balance
on a biochemical continuum
the highs are brilliant
the lows are dangerous
chaos is prevalent
brilliance assured
in this lonely life
lived out on a playground
of always shifting emotions
biochemical equations
charged particles
channels to the divine
all alone in a head
full of emo

some would say i am blessed
for this blue filter i see through
its benefits are outstanding
its consequences a toll
taken out on a brilliance mind
seemingly reduced to being alone
perceived as crazy
when you came to love me
i hoped i would not be alone
in that place where chaos wins
that you would breathe in
the space and ugliness of a landscape
i have only been alone in
i hoped you could help me right the ship
before i feel overboard

November 18, 2010

for one of us

for one of us
this is but a dream
of epic proportions
for me, i woke up long ago
to know you are a choice
i can choose every day
for me, i woke up long ago
to love and the thought of you
it was just yesterday dear
that i looked in your eyes
with nothing to say
but this smile and a whiff
of the hope and whim
which brought you to me
this pheromone divine
for one of us
tomorrow begins today
like i woke up yesterday
to you and this soft touch
of your skin and lips
like no other beside me
inside me
i saw you long ago
a quiet love affair every day
till i looked you in the eye
and knew
for one of us
this is more than divine

love you regardless

every minute begins
with a choice and the hope
that you get to do it all over again
i am this golden light
of eternal love
bask in my presence
for i am sunshine
azure is joy
you can listen to me
i will love you regardless
you can leave me
i will love you regardless
i want only to feel
your joy
your touch
my love for you
this capacity
is more than joy
it is all for love
eternal and paternal
like the source
it all comes from
deep down in you
there is the same
deep well as me
deep down in you
is an eternal love for me
every minute
you can choose it
every minute
you can show it
every minute
there is this hope
of doing it again
for i love you

all my soul divines

in a day full of stress and frustration
you are a constant dream
that keeps my smile
from running away
this emo drains me of my spirit
as time dictates the clock is ticking
on my ability to save the earth
from humanity
i do not know why i try
to help save you all from yourself
when i really just rather
create art and fuck like a porn star
in this day
where i am an emo wreck
there is you and your voice
you and your love for me
like an ever present companion
its more than lust and passion
to be a beam of light
in a cold dark world
where the world is against
every action you take
i spend every day
fighting for what no one believes in
every day my life getting shorter
when all my soul divines
is to be with you
making this art
a tangible reality
making this love
a story that stands
the test of time
in a world i have saved
from humanity

charged sodium channels

waking up to you
is a dream i dream
when my heart needs
to feel the hope
outside me
i can fill that hole myself
some days though
when biochemistry wins
and the tape is running
with no one home
it is easier if
you speak a few words
you smile at me
and our skin touches
as i am reminded
i am not alone
with these charged electrons
and sodium uptake channels
that yield no good thoughts
its so hard to love yourself
when you have no energy left
to believe you can be
better than you feel
i always want to believe
there is more that is better
tomorrow comes with
your love
more smiles
soft kisses
and hope
we are more
than the sum of our parts
in the night
when your skin is on mine

November 17, 2010

the fb effect is not the center of the your universe

i am going to step up onto a pedestal for a moment and spout some shit about how insanely self centered the mass of people are. i have been writing this blog for almost a year now and using facebook as a direct means to bring my art to the masses who will love and support it. those are target markets like hipsters, punks, rockabilly's, and alt culture art lovers.

i have noticed a couple of very interesting social scientific observations related to how people interact in the virtual marketing land of fb.

first off, all new friends love you and stalk you after you accept their virtual friendship.

second, men and women, because this is virtual and not a real encounter where you must physically view your consequences will flirt and endlessly taunt each other with innuendo, even if they are married or in a relationship.

third, everyone seems to think my status updates are either talking about them or about someone they think they know. if you get your self centered head focused on reality and read the updates as they are written, it is quite clear they are a) messages to myself, b) song lyrics and c) lines of my poetry. very few, 1% of posts are about "you"! this is a tool for me to market my art in a direct way that people can relate and enjoy. it is for shear entertainment folks...enjoy the art.

November 16, 2010

pissing liquid sunshine

there is this feeling
i cannot shake
in the moments
where darkness is light
you never said
the things i hoped
now there is no goodbye
only this silence and light
that hides the darkness
i am so sure
those three little words
you liked to say so much
do not mean a damn thing
in this instance of emo
where i sit
on another wooden barstool
in a dive bar
in my sullen city
of roses and grey rain
with all this liquid sunshine
all i want to do is piss
in silence
since i cannot hear your voice
it doesn't hurt like i thought
taking a gash in the leg
you never said goodbye
or sorry or anything other
than those three words
without meaning
i will never say
another word otherwise
because silence is
my golden goodbye
when i do not do
what i am told

November 15, 2010

like the time

if i said to you
i don't want you to go
would you even listen
to what i want to say
or would you just walk away
if you listened to my heart
would you hug me
with delight
like the time
when we first met
or would you kiss
my neck
to show your love
as i listened to the click
of your heals on cobble stone
i wanted to say anything
other than goodbye
you would not take
my hand
for if you did
we both know
i would have looked
you in the eyes
to say
if only you will let me
love you

November 14, 2010

dirty rainbows and pineapple

the colors could be faded
when the fog is so low
the misty rain
a dark reminder
of the city and time
i have just passed through
the neon is gorgeous
as the night goes on
then there is your smile
those eyes of gold
a molten warmth
of our laughter
we are all smiles
as the night goes on
taking and laughing
laughing and talking
this touch a lit fire
we are happy and surprised by
attempting not to temp
all the joy at once
when rainbows come
with sunshine after rain
its morning banana sandwiches
with the comfort of you
i needed more than any
there is no shame in this walk
the city looks so calm
its quiet along the river
pristine and clean
this comfort is just a love
of japanese cherry blossoms

November 13, 2010

elusive and alluring

the borderline between the art of erotica and the porn of the masses is quite fine for a subjective minute. i will never kid you that i believe it is one that i do and the other which the squares will see.

last night talking to a british scientist outside one of my favorite dive bars in portland. the fog and gloom illuminated us in neon. the description of my painting style was framed as a non professional Georgia O'Keeffe.

i do not shy away from such an apt description of something i have come so late to in my artistic endeavors.

i will always contend that art is created at the time it is conceived based on intent of the artist to deliver a message. it is also apparent to me that over the years creating this type of visual force of beauty that many will always see the black and whites as art and color as porn because the filter of our eyes are recognize the color and capture the emotional content of the black and whites.

November 11, 2010

its relevant to matter

thinking about tomorrow
thinking of what to say
if i should speak at all
thinking if its relevant to matter
to you
or should i just keep walking
the way of this artist samurai
words matter when they are of heart
actions speak louder
than ever can be measured
even when you say i love you
i do not need your attention
but i want your love
i deserve more than you care
to give
its relevant to matter to me
is it relevant to matter to you
no one said it would be easy
loving me loving you