June 30, 2011

your accent is intoxicating


this night had a perfect moment in it where i was in rare form like pulling a rabbit out of my hat. i was sucking on a cancer stick and watching this threesome, a guy and two ladies. the guy came up to bum a light and i smiled, pointed at the gal sitting closest to me and said to him, "only if she comes and asks." he asked her to come over and i lit her cigarette, not his. she then monkey fucked his and lit it. i later went and sat with them to chat. her name was marie, a scrumptious little french doll, cigarette sucking art loving accent and all...

June 20, 2011

my maurading love for you


the cruelest part of a futbol match is after all the beers, the drunk singing and the joy of spanking a team from New York, a tie is just the same as a loss, especially when the tieing goal comes on the final blow of the whistle. it is worse when this is the second home match in a row decided on the final play.

futbol is like my creation of art and my interaction with women. it is an up and down affair that has deep moments of marauding love and cruel heartbreak all at the same time. the pitch is a canvas of pure delight like a blank canvas or a delicious doll whose skin is full of traceable ink. i know my fetishes will bring about my demise if i am not careful. i lead with my heart and see the good where even you cannot accept. it is emo psychology as the lads sing us on to victory.

June 19, 2011

yes please, may i have some more


your eyes scream
of deep melancholy
housed in the shell
of smirk y joy
unbridled by loss
i keep seeking redemption
in the worst possible choices
knowing that i'll find
the circle of mania
leads me to find
my face in the gutter
staring up
at another pair
of boots and fishnets
walking away
its more than a little
funny
how could i am
at getting back up
on the horse
though looking back
looking forward
i see choices
made from a naive
belief
someday
you will walk through the door
remind me
the joy of being me
the greatness in me
be content
to fuck all night
stand by my side
talking all manner of gibberish
or just sit on the couch
in the corner of the studio
sipping whiskey
drinking coffee
watching me create
my legacy
for you

June 17, 2011

floating the drugs to end the emo


woke up in the best of moods
for this week
a simpletons smile
at the expense
of some much caffeine
i was humming
then i crashed
in a not so grand flourish
the mental game of emo
is best a measure
of drugs and sex
we all enjoy
time whispers joys
i mostly do not remember
of days gone bye
i forget by exaggeration
i am on my own
here
plodding through
the strife they call
existential
the point i realize
is to get up tomorrow

June 16, 2011

in case it's not obvious, i'm old fashioned in a novel way


i was sitting on the steps in the sun this evening thinking about the warmth. thinking about the only time i ever asked a woman to marry me and thinking about what it might be like if i find myself in a situation where someone loved me enough to stick around. i have been feeling a wee bit lonely of late and very isolated because i work alot, drink alone in dive bars, and spend all my free time with my daughter.

it isn't really a sad thing that the woman i asked to marry me said no, nor was it a loss on my part or hers to not follow through with it. she is happily married and has two kids. it sent me to LA for grad school and into the life i have now. it is sad that i have never felt that there was someone worth spending my life with sense then. it's a part of my dream, it's a part of my salvation when she finds me and sticks around.

June 14, 2011

you and me should run for the sun


i like that you like
i want to know what you are
see how you do
help what you say
you make me swoon
with your smile
the way you talk
i can tell you are not in awe
of me
i may be of you
after tomorrow
with all that color
in your murky eyes
you and i
should run for the sun
pack the jet
for a perfect vacation
we could head to the coast
or go east
in search of the sun
you and me
with the little feet
soaking up each other
after tomorrow
with all that color
you should call me
to just say yes

June 12, 2011

your choice is not a mistake if you see it through


all choices are based on hopes and dreams with consequences we may know or fathom we can handle. i had a friday night of rock star proportions as i celebrated the start of a dream being fulfilled and trying to keep the emo at bay. i would say i am a mess but i was drunk the entire night on friday and most of saturday night after two gutting losses.

the one bright spot of this roller coaster is a romantic late lunch date that almost never happened when the rose parade and my stupid brain made what was going to be perfect almost nothing at all. when i finally made it to the park i could not shake my emo and i could almost taste yours. yet still our words kept falling all around us and it just feels natural to be there in this old fashioned way we are walking. i didn't know what to do when that little blond inferred we were a couple. i smiled an awkward smile, wondering if it was the association of us in the park with a little man or something about the way we carried each other.

it was shorter than we both may have wanted but i didn't know how to ask. as we hugged and your cute little man gave me more knuckles, i danced a little down the street till i mounted the bus. the emo soaked me like some impending doom that heartbreaking futbol losses only tormented and the beers barely soothed. i didn't want to go. i like how southeast is warm on a sunny day for you and i.

June 8, 2011

sometimes your smile makes me smile


i was sitting on the stoop smoking a fag and just wanted to smile, i needed to smile. so i thought of you and me. i thought of how cute you were as we left your place at midnight and you asked to hold my hand. i was giddy inside. neither of us stopped rambling as we stumbled down the sidewalk, holding hands like school kids. we needed fags and each other, it showed. i love your smile and your eyes when they talk with words to describe you life. listening to you, i am reminded of how good it feels to smile.

June 5, 2011

the wonderful gypsy sacrament


even after i showered
i could smell your musk on me
the gypsy musk of you
sensual and full of earth
experiences of and tragedy
with your luscious gypsy eyes
they pierce me
you are the queen
your scent on me
makes me smile
seeing you smile
listening to your stories
the way you tell me
a few key points over and over
always with that side ways look
a little smirk
for gorgeous eyes
a little look
then we chuckle
there is always humor
in the way your words phrase
their meaning
inhaling deep breaths of you in the night
that now lingers on me
hours after i left you hug
i see the early morning kisses
on your shoulder while you sleep
cuddled up on the couch
fully clothed
absolutely drunk