June 16, 2011
i was sitting on the steps in the sun this evening thinking about the warmth. thinking about the only time i ever asked a woman to marry me and thinking about what it might be like if i find myself in a situation where someone loved me enough to stick around. i have been feeling a wee bit lonely of late and very isolated because i work alot, drink alone in dive bars, and spend all my free time with my daughter.
it isn't really a sad thing that the woman i asked to marry me said no, nor was it a loss on my part or hers to not follow through with it. she is happily married and has two kids. it sent me to LA for grad school and into the life i have now. it is sad that i have never felt that there was someone worth spending my life with sense then. it's a part of my dream, it's a part of my salvation when she finds me and sticks around.